The Murphy Boys

I wrote this morning on facebook, “I have never felt such positivity and peace on a January 1st.”  There are a lot of reasons this is true but there is one that is with me in every moment and in every breath.  I’ll describe it below… and you’ll see how much my thinking has evolved over the last year.  It astounds me, really. I visited an amazing healer and medium, Marie Olmstead, in New Hampshire.  We spent nearly 3 hours together clearing my energy and talking to Ayrie and my guardian angels….read more

shiya and I were sitting at logan airport yesterday having lunch before the flight.  we were talking easily and i was teasing him.  he looked up to a spot above and to the right of my head and said, “did you hear that ayrie?  mom called me a goober!” shiya has never talked to ayrie like this before, mid-conversation. i asked, “is ayrie here with us?” “yes. so are our angels,” he responded.  “they are going to fly with us today.” “really? that’s so cool!” I exclaimed. “do they fly…read more

I never though that much about Steve Jobs.  So little in fact that I was shocked to the overwhelming reaction to this death.  And then I started to listen to his quotes and his speeches and I understood how he must have touched so many people’s lives…not just through his technology but through the person he was.  This quote is my favorite that’s I’ve heard or read over the last week.  It reminds me of what I try to tell myself every day since Ayrie’s death. Almost everything–all external expectations,…read more

This is what I was trying to say in my last blog post!  I said ‘giving love freely’ but I think I meant an open heart.  I think….  Regardless, this as I think about giving love freely I’ve been thinking about boundaries.  I stumbled upon this post after waking up in the middle of the night. Good boundaries with a heart wide open? Is it really possible? I used to think I had to be a hard ass to have good boundaries; yet it’s easier and more effective when I…read more

We have been back from Colorado for three nights now and each night as I’ve laid down and tried to clear my mind these thoughts have come to mind. I am not sure where the thoughts come from but they repeat over and over again. I am soul. Soul is energy. That energy is love. I am love. I am worthy of love. I need to give love freely. Giving love freely strenthens my soul.

I can not wait to read this book!  This has been something I have really wrestled with this over the past year.  I was 100% science until the night Ayrie died and I heard him talk to me.  Over the next few weeks as my mind opened to the idea of a spiritual world view I felt guilty…as though I was weak and decieving myself…opening my mind to a new world view only to make myself feel better.  Slowly but surely the reality of a spiritual world beyond this physical…read more

Reflections of grief from people who never met Ayrie  Many of you know that shortly after Ayrie’s death I asked people to write about Ayrie, his death, and its impact.  I had big plans for what I would do with the stories at the time.  And I still have big plans…but my time line has changed. Over the last year these stories were just too painful to read.  Beautiful, but painful.  I printed all of the stories last year and put them in a box, not to be looked at…read more

I had one of those visions the other night.  The visions that are dreams because they happen in my sleep, but feel so very different from a dream.   I was sitting in a living room.  In the dream it was mine but I didn’t recognize it.  Ayrie was sitting on my lap.  He was bigger, limbs longer.  I had my face buried in his hair, my fingers running through his curls, just like I did when I said goodbye to his body.  He was wearing baggy olive green pants…read more

beware…cliches and confused ramblings to follow. i haven’t written since March.  in part I was so depressed for much of that time that in part, I couldn’t write.  in part, i just didn’t know what to say. in part,  i’ve been dating someone it was too soon to write about it. this new (5 months) relationships has caused me to really go deep into myself and try to understand what i want, what i need, what i’m willing to change, what’s not negotiable, what’s real, what’s enduring, what’s my mind…read more