The Murphy Boys

I haven’t written in my blog for a while.  Things are happening so quickly that I feel like I am moving through the day, going through the motions, and moving forward to the best of my ability.  But really?  Part of me is somewhere else.  There is a part of me searching the universe, looking for the thin spots.  There is something open to me right now, another world, and I am the clumsiest, most blunt tool trying to get into a beautiful and delicate portal. What am I talking…read more

I had the most amazing experiences today up here in the north woods of MN.  I woke up at around 4:30am thinking that I heard a thump.  So I turned on the light only to see that Be and Shiya were still curled  up and sleeping soundly.  But rather than go back to bed I was drawn outside.  I kept trying to talk myself out of it… It’s too cold…just go back to sleep….. But the pull was so strong.  So I found my fleece and shoes and quietly slipped…read more

Jan Humphrey, Ian’s Aunt, lit a candle this past Saturday and released balloons.  Thank you, Jan. xoxo.

A friend started reading “A Lion Among Men,” which is part of a series of books about the World of Oz.  The book had one quote in the beginning that he chose to share with me and I love it.  It resonates with the way I want to live in this next chapter of my life. “The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves as well. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A stream of events issues from the decision, raising…read more

If you are reading this blog, you are invited to join the writing project.  Even if we have never met in person, the fact that you care enough to read about our family makes you an important part of our community. xoxo.  nora Why a community writing project? The loss of my dear Ayrie has been devastating.  I am at the edge of a very dark and seemingly endless abyss filled with pain and despair that I fear I will descend into at any moment.  What has kept me from falling over that…read more

I didn’t think that I would want and Urn.  I wondered what in the world could be comforting about having someone’s ashes… by having a substance that used to be their living body.  But I have to admit, when the ashes came last Friday I took the cardboard box to bed and curled up with it, stroking the rough exterior like I was brushing back Ayrie’s curls from his forehead. All of the sudden it was obvious that  I wanted to keep the ashes.  It suddenly wasn’t a question.  So I…read more

Every time I think these words darkness closes around and and a weight presses down on me. It feels like scuba diving… as you down further and further the pressure gets greater all around you. There is no way to escape it, it just is. At these times I struggle in my own mind to understand what I am feeling. Panic. Loss. Guilt. Desperation. Pain. But more. And is seems unbearable and yet I am still alive. The minutes pass. The days pass. When I read the quote below by…read more

ayrie and shiya, you are sleeping so soundly in the room next to me!  I can hear your peaceful breathing and it’s wonderful.  I am trying unsuccessfully to shut off my mind after a 12 hour day at school. Tonight I had class late as I do every Thursday this semester.  Monica picks you up from school (thank you monica!) on Thursdays and you go back to monica’s house to eat scrambled eggs, build marble towers, play in the leaves/snow/sun and run away from Eryn the zombie.  Tonight you were…read more