for some Reason
I had the most amazing experiences today up here in the north woods of MN.Â I woke up at around 4:30am thinking that I heard a thump.Â So I turned on the light only to see that Be and Shiya were still curledÂ up and sleeping soundly.Â But rather than go back to bed I was drawn outside.Â I kept trying to talk myself out of it… It’s too cold…just go back to sleep….. But the pull was so strong.Â So I found my fleece and shoes and quietly slipped out the front door.Â The air was warm, full, still and alive.Â I sat down next to the front door and pulled on my shoes knowing that I had to go down to the water.Â I made my way through the crunchy leaves, my path dimly lit by the full moon behind the clouds.Â I made my way down the short hill to the sandy beach and on to the dock.
For some Reason I knew that I needed to walk to the end of the long dock and lay down on my back.Â So I walked to the edge, laid down and looked up.Â It immediately felt spiritual.Â It felt like the sky went on forever on every side and above me.Â The clouds were a blanket over the sky but they were patterned, light,Â and moving slowly, fully of shadows cast format the moonlight behind them.Â I though “Oh Ayrie.Â If you are up there I understand why you are trying to let me know that you are okay.” It’s almost achingly beautiful, full of a whole part of life that I could vaguely feel but couldn’t see.Â Ayrie told me when he passed that I needed to watch for him because he’d be back and as I watch for him he’s showing me with such clarity that life neither begins nor ends with our birth or death.Â I’m dense and slow to change, slow to believe.Â In a moment like the one he shard with me o the dock I know this to be true.Â I know it in a ways that is beyond intellectual knowing.
But when I am back here in bed with the moment further and further behind me my belief starts to waiver.Â So I hope you will continue to be patient with me Ayrie, as you always were in your life.Â Help me understand.Â Â My heart and mind are as open as I am able to have them at this early time in my understanding.Â I love you.