The Murphy Boys

There is one boy from Ayrie’s class who has always reminded me of Ayrie.  He’s a joyful child, but at the same time so serious.  He wants to really know the world.  He’s also kind, stopping to give a younger child a hug or an adult a genuine compliment on something small but meaningful.  But mostly he reminds me of Ayrie because there is a look in his eyes…it’s what people call an ‘old soul’… it’s as though he knows something about the universe that I would be lucky to…read more

I received a tall box the other day… “I think it’s a Christmas tree”, said Ian.  And when I opened the box I found the most wonderful little Christmas spruce.  It’s a live tree so we will be able to plant it in the spring.  It came with a string of white lights wrapped around the branches and a felt skirt with 25 tiny pockets containing ornaments, one for each day of the month until Christmas.  Shiya isn’t clear on how the whole calendar concept works so instead he joyfully sat on the counter next to…read more

I think emily and ian would be wise to leave Shiya and Be in charge… don’t you?  We’ve been working on their babysitting skills as you can see below!

Does the griever always end up comforting others in the beginning? Why do people need to absolved? Do they need forgiveness?  This is something I wondered as I walked through the first days, offering others hugs.  Letting them know that I was sad but wasn’t going to crumble.  That they were loved, appreciated and that we were grateful for everything they have given to us. Maybe you have to do this because one can comfort you in the first few days and you have to do something. Maybe you have to do…read more

Ayrie Mekai Jones Murphy.  The perfect name. Ayrie: (n.) The nest of a bird, such as an eagle, built on a cliff or other high place. Birds: Birds play a prominent role in Celtic myth and legend.  As symbols of freedom and transcendence, they represent the human soul in flight, liberated from earthly ties, able to soar in spiritual communication with the heavens.  Returning to earth, they bring messages of prophecy and guidance, aiding mortals on their spiritual and earthly journeys.  As spirits of the air, they provide a link between the…read more

I don’t need to feel sad every moment of every day to honor Ayrie.  He lived a life of joy and would want me to keep doing so, for me and for Shiya. He knew I loved him fiercely.  And I know he loved me just as fiercely.  It was palpable.  People could feel it.  And we never doubted it.  Trust ran deep. And that’s what matters. Nothing about the way I grieve now changes that. I can laugh and not feel like I shouldn’t be because Ayrie loved to…read more

My aunt Laura shared this poem with me today.  I don’t know where to poem originated… a 20 second google search didn’t give me the answer.  But I do know that it resonates with me.  I find that when I see a golden ring around the moon, hear the sound of the cotton wood leaves waving, and feel the gentle touch of snow flakes on my eyelashes that I say, “Thank you, Ayrie”.  I often find these words leaving me before I’ve even had time to think them.  So Ayrie,…read more

… a continuation of the previous post.  It might be wise to have tissues ready. *** When we were finally able to go the surgical floor to get Ayrie’s IV in Ayrie was nervous but excited.  It was late enough at night that the floor was quiet, some of the lights were dimmed and it felt special to be down there. An energetic man came to greet us and introduced himself as Tony. Tony was the anesthesiologist on duty that night.  He could have had a nurse anesthetist come out…read more

This post is so hard for me to write. In part, I don’t want to revisit the details. In part, I can’t remember the details. In part, I am not sure that the details I remember aren’t entirely fictional… but so be it. I will just keep working at putting my words down and not worry about whether they are exhaustive or whether they are an accurate reflection of reality. *** Ayrie needed surgery and we needed money. The doctor’s here were abusive to us (awful) which resulted in us…read more

This morning I went to ‘church’ at the Lake Harriet Spiritual Community to hear a woman speak about how to re-connect with our inner intuitive.  Lately I feel that it’s something I’m learning to be able to so… it takes hard work and I’m not even sure how I do it when I do, but I feel my self connecting to a part of me that feels new.  Feels right. I have written previously (i think) about how I promised Ayrie when he passed that I would keep my heart…read more