Last night I received conformation that things are changing in me!
For as long as I can remember I’ve had a recurring nightmare. Â About four nights a week I am murdered (sometimes brutally, always after an exhausting attempt at escape). Â Or, if I am not murdered I have to murder someone in order to keep myself and my family alive. Â It kills something in side of me to take someone else’s life. Â I wake up deeply afraid and exhausted. Often the feeling stays in the forefront of my mind for hours.
Last night I fought back. Â I didn’t care if I would lose and end up dead in the end, I was not going to let them do this to me! I found a mother and child that they had murdered and left for dead. I found them help and a safe place to rest and Â heal and then I went after the murderers (there were 4). Â I yelled at them, got in their face, made them back down. Â “What gives you the right to act like this? Â Are you hiding behind a wrong someone did to you? Â Some trauma from your child hood? etc. Â Well deal with is because you can not do this anymore!” Â They alternated between viciousness andÂ confusion. Â And then I woke up.
I feel so good. I’ve fought back in my dreams before but always while still afraid and never with any effect. Â But this time I wasn’t afraid, I fought back, and I felt them beginning to back down. Â The first time after thousands of these dreams. Â Things really are shifting inside me.