Posted by in letters to the boys

one night i was laying next to shiya in his dark room listening to his breathing slow down… i was waiting for that moment when he would pass into a deep sleep so I could get up and get back to work.  I had to lead a focus group the next morning and my printer wasn’t working.  i was silently freaking out in my mind.  how am I going to print out the handouts?  should i call the school i’m visiting and ask them to do it? seems unprofessional.  should i stop at the university?  parking is hard to come by and expensive.  should i see if emily will be up in the morning?  i don’t want to wake her up….and round and roud my mind was going.

Suddenly, out of the dark, my nearly sleeping child said, “Kinkos.”

“What did you say?” I asked in a shocked voice?


He was right.  I could leave a few minutes early and find a kinkos.  But, “Where did you hear that word?”

“I was dreaming and my brain told it to me.”

“Do you know what it means?”

“I think it’s a bird.  Or a kind of koala bear.”  And then Shiya rolled over and fell asleep.

I don’t know where he heard the word or why he said it to me at that time.  But it called into question all of the times that I would scoff at people who told me that God gave them answers to seemingly mundane questions.  Maybe they really did get an answer about which car to buy or what to make for dinner.  Maybe it’s not God, but all of the different souls and spirits we are connected to who care about us, understand the larger picture, take the time to check on us and give us advice.  Maybe these helpers talked to Shiya because he can hear them and I can’t.

That that one word, ‘kinkos’, reminded me that I am part of something much larger and much more mysterious than I can understand or even imagine.  and that is incredibly comforting.