trust in love. trust in mystery. this was ayrie’s message for this last night through a shaman. and by the end of the day i could feel that seed of joy and gratitude that ayrie nurtures for me.

Below are some of the messages that people shared with me through facebook on Ayrie’s 5^th birthday and the very challenging days leading up to his birthday.  Although the constant stream of affirmations was exactly what I needed, few of the messages were able to piece through the thick haze of grief.  This morning when I sat down at 7am to read through people’s sentiments again I was simply amazed by how open, caring and genuinely loving people are.  Thank you for letting me live a life full of love.

Grief has it’s time and place.  It will come and go, sometimes like a throb, others like an ache, sometimes like a collapsing hollowness worse than death.  But no matter what, when I return from my grief I find that you were all here for the the entire time.

Your collective wisdom and care is astounding.  I don’t know what I did to deserve it but I am not going to over think it.  Instead I am going to learn to trust you, to learn to depend on you, and to try to be there if and when you should need my support.

I put these words together in one blog post because I am sure that Shiya and I will read these words for years to come, for the many February 16th’s to come.

Thank you for this gift.

xoxo nora

February 13^th

Emily: I had a very clear dream last night that Ayrie was with us. A strong clear presence. Nora Murphy, Shiya Murphy, Ian Bicking, Diane Murphy, Jim Murphy,Jeffrey J Murphy, Eliza Murphy and I were all sitting together. Ayrie was right there with us. Not speaking, but smiling that smile that is so full of wisdom.

Nora: how could he have died? how could he not be here anymore?

Nadine: oh, nora…
the lonely ache for your beloved Ayrie….
the endless mysteries of life and death….
Feel his forever love….and ours.
Holding you close.

Diane: Oh Nora, these last few days the sadness has been almost unbearable. It’s exactly how you said it – how could he be gone? I am trying hold on to the memories. I wish I had more. I wish we had had more time. I pray that we will all be reunited some day.

Jen: Nora, I’ve been thinking about you and Shiya and Ayrie. I’m so sorry that you have to be so strong. It’s incomprehensible. Tomorrow I’ll be thinking of you nursing Ayrie while you tell me about giving birth. I’ll be remembering that moment and the connection and peace and comfort you both gave me (you with your words, Ayrie with his cuteness and proof that labor would be worth it) when I was so nervous about becoming a mom.

Julie: I don’t know. I don’t know that I really accept it. A life like his doesn’t just disappear. Ayrie will always be alive to me. My memories of him are so colorful and vivid that I feel like he’s always with me. That’s how I want to keep on living with my memories of Ayrie coloring the world around me.   Love you, Nora. Thinking about you and Ayrie and Shiya.

Beth: I ask those same questions. I didn’t even know him, so how can I miss him and how can I feel you missing him so strongly?

Nora:

I keep taking showers today

as though hot water might wash away the pain

as though hot water might wash me away

bit by bit

until i cease to exist

Katherine: …love love love to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are fabulous! Here’s a energy giving hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Corinne: Deep love to you today and every day

Jan: Love you Nora–been thinking of you all day . . . I didn’t get a chance to see Ayrie as much as I would have liked; but each time I saw him and Shiya I was just delighted watching them. I speak to my sisters of this — I still can’t believe he’s gone. I think of him – feel his smile…

Jessamin: you can do it. You are strong and loving. Two very very good things for overcoming and living well. Thinking about you tonight before I go to bed. Sending good thoughts.. of what I do not know yet, but I will do it.

Nora: thanks you guys. i seriously want to disappear today. i am barely functioning and somehow have to write a paper, go to class, work on consulting work…i do want to disappear

February 14^th

Nora : last night i tried crying myself to sleep. tonight i’m going to drink myself to sleep. I’ll let you know which is better. (oh, and for those of you who think I should be ‘over it’ by now? it takes a lot more than 4 months to stop missing your child as though a part of you died too.

Catherine: I still cry every now and then from the passing of my uncle, and he’s been “gone” for 5 years now. There’s no time-limit for being over it. I don’t know the pain of losing a child, but I share the sentiment, a sucky one at that.

Amy: Sending you a big hug across the wire and will raise a glass with you! Xo  And please tell me someone didn’t say you should be “over it” by now. You tell them to go to hell, Nora. Or give me their name and number and I will… Take as long as you need, however you need…there aren’t rules to grieving or time limits. Sending you love and light, hoping tomorrow and Wednesday, as hard as they will be, help you through to the next step in your journey. xo

Alexis: The light and love have not disappeared, but they are much harder to see. Keep your eyes open, my friend. ♥ ♥ ♥

Alexis: Have I told you about the hawk that lives outside of my office window? He’s magnificent.

Michelle: Hugs to you Nora. I don’t pretend to know your pain, but know that the pain of losing my mom 7 months ago is still quite fresh– I still cry, get mad, feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.

Scott ‎:) if u need to talk, call anytime… Hope u get some good sleep. I have not left a child, have lost my parents and a sister and i still have trouble, u NEVER get over anything thst tramtic. Those who say shit, i say they can go to hell. Hang in there girl. There are MANY who are still sending you prayers, including me and my girls…

Lori: Great big hugs…many many hugs…no one should expect you to be “over it”…he was a person well worth loving, celebrating, and truly grieving…although, i wish the let one didn’t have to be true

Christine Salomon It’s impossible to imagine anyone “being over” the death of someone they love so dearly. That kind of love is deep, enduring and timeless, and so is the loss. You are allowed to grieve and grow and heal in your own time, no matter how long that takes.

Zoe: Nora – you are an amazing mum and woman in general! I can’t begin to know all that you are dealing with, but I know that you are an inspiration for your honesty, love, fighting spirit, and ability to share this with all of us who are sending you love and good thoughts from all over this planet. Take care of you – whatever that means every day.

Jessamin: no… you have every right to be wherever you are in the grieving process. I really hope no one said that to you, that its just a thought. and I really think most people are not thinking that….maybe should say “hope most people are not thinking that”. I cant even imagine. I dont know what I would be like in that situation. I just honestly have no idea what ways I would change or not change…

Petra: Getting over it … I can’t think of anyone even entertaining that thought.
I always felt that losing a child was different. Worse. But only since I became a mother myself, do I began to

Maria: There is no end to the missing and it takes more than anyone could imagine for a parent to reconcile this new way. There will never be a “getting over”. In time and with love there are more bits of light and peace to your day but that immeasurable stillness is always there. I was always amazed how much Liam guided me in our journey and it’s astounding to me how he still does. I know you feel this about your boy. The pain, as scary and overwhelming as it is and surely will be, must be lived and felt. I can’t imagine any other way. It’s depth speaks to the love that will always connect you to Ayrie. Most mothers I know like you and I are working so hard so that the sadness won’t be the primary thing that defines that love. One day it will be only one part of a remarkable love story. Special prayers for you this week especially. May you be surrounded by those who love you, who respect your grief, laugh with you and share memories of your sweet boy.

Alex: Nora, I am alarmed that someone would have even suggested or hinted to you that you should be “over” losing your son. That is a cruel sentiment that defies words. Also hoping you are okay tonight. Are you safe?

MiChelle: ‎(((((hugs))))

Gretchen: Nora- my heart i aching for you. I am sad that anyone would expect a person could ‘get over’ the loss of anyone dear to them- leastwise a child. I still wish one day that there will be more peace than pain in your memories of beautiful Ayrie. That the ache in your heart and emptiness in your arms will feel less piercing, raw, seering. We will be lighting candles on Wednesday to remember the life of wonder that began on that day 5 years ago- celebrating the beauty of Ayrie. ((HUGS)) and love to you my dear dear friend.

Jen: Sending our love, too, Nora. I’m hoping that drinking and crying yourself to sleep can be mutually exclusive, that one can work better than the other. Love, Jen

Nicole: Awee nora… I am sorry …nothang will ever take away the pain everyday u will get a little stronger! It will all happen in u time…only u will understand a loss is a big thang a loss of a child is much bigger…

Caroline: Praying for you – for peace of mind and heart and strength to perserve – I can’t imagine how much you must miss him. Try to take comfort he is in a better place and is still connected to you and always will be, even though he is there and you are here right now. You’ll be together again one day.

Val: Try a bit of lavender in your room too – it helps to bring peace to our minds.

Diane: I don’t believe for a minute that you are any of us will be “over it.” I am reading a book now that talks about the loss of a spouse.  She was left with young children to raise alone. Her grief was all consuming, she thought she might not make it through. She had to carry on in order to care for her children. After a year of visiting his grave every evening, of looking at his things and crying every night, she realized that her grief would never leave her. “She decided to walk with it instead of letting it take over her life.” So I am thinking of this grief as not something to get over, but to learn to walk with. To figure out what that means…

Jill: Oh Nora, your story is now ours too, thanks to your generous sharing. You will never be alone again. We are always here, if sometimes only in spirit, just like your beautiful Ayrie..

Erin: My lovely, Nora–i wish i was closer….i would drink and cry with you.

Nora: thank you, thank you, thank you. some days I feel so lonely that it’s like a vortex of hollowness and aching that’s bigger than me. I get so lost inside of it and I can’t find my way out. The verdict is that both wine and crying are equally crappy ways of falling asleep and waking up. I am going to have to take val’s advice and try lavender.

February 15th

Nora: Crying, of course — at Rainforest Cafe Mall Of America with Shiya Murphy.

Lily: Sending you some really tight hugs.

Kevin: Thinking about you a lot.

Julie Wight Love you two. Giving you a call tonight.

Katherine: Let it out. And know you are loved. And feeling so hard and so strong….I am blowing your nose for you….

Nadine: beauty will grow from the soil your tears water

Jamie: You are an amazingly strong and wonderful person. While this past year has been a struggle and painful at times, you have made us all realize how precious life is through your will and drive to make every day a great one.

Tara: Hoping to see you tomorrow (pj day) to give you a hug.

Alexis: Sending Love, Light, and Hope.

Favor: Nora,there is a place where you can peace and esp tonight….there are so many pple who sorround you with love. Think about all the gd things tht have hpnd in your life draw your strength from these,inspire yourself…whisper a prayer of faith that you will be ok…and know tht you are loved even in silence…xoxo!

There is a place where you can peace and esp tonight….there are so many pple who sorround you with love. Think about all the gd things tht have hpnd in your life draw your strength from these,inspire yourself…whisper a prayer of faith that you will be ok…and know tht you are loved even in silence…xoxo!

Krista: You are in my thoughts. May a blanket of warmth woven with the love of friends, distant & near surround you today, tomorrow & always.

Sarah: I think your angel is visiting lots of people this week. Ayrie crept into my thoughts all weekend and seemed to have giggled with my little Isaac this evening before bed. Isaac has never been so goofy and giggly!

Jessica: Thinking of you often and especially tomorrow…stay strong!!  XOXO

Phil:  I having been holding you and your family in the Light this week. Tomorrow I am taking my heart and wringing it, wringing it. I am so sorry.

Lily: Love you lots Nora. This is the day we celebrate the fact that we were blessed with the opportunity to meet such an amazing soul. Today think of every beautiful second he was able to be with you. It’s his day, he can feel you, celebrate him. We are here for you and although I can’t be next to you I will sing him a happy BIRTH day and think of your family, with a smile, remembering his.

Jeffrey: solar flares and aurora borealis between today and thursday… .

Emily: http://ham.space.umn.edu/aurora.html

February 16^th

Nora: you are here with us my love, rejoicing the time you had with us, happy when you feel joy and truth in our hearts

Leslie: Nora, Though I’ve not met you or your family personally, you have shared so much. I know you are a wonderful, loving, and strong person. I know you are the “Best Mom Ever!” for Shiya & Ayrie ♥ . I know there are so many people who love you and your boys. I know you have a supportive and loving family. I know Emily & Ian are very special people ♥ You have shared your Love and your Family through your writings and photos. You have been blessed with so many Gifts – especially your two boys. They are both so beautiful. I think of you and your family today in honor of Ayrie’s Birthday! I will celebrate with joy and sadness. I know you must be overwhelmed with emotions – you are intelligent and strong, yet it hurts so much. There are so many questions that can’t be answered, so much that we can’t understand “why?” I know the Love that surrounds you from family, from people and friends you know,from people you don’t know, and especially from Ayrie will help you and comfort you on this journey. Happy Birthday Ayrie! ♥

Karen: Holding you in the light, Nora. Happy Birthday, Ayrie.♥

Kumar: Hi Nora. I’m thinking of Ayrie today and imagining that bright beaming smile of his. And for you and Shiya, wishing you strength and solace.

Ian: We miss you more every day Ayrie! Such a light…My love to you, Nora, Shiya, Emily, and Ian. In our thoughts every day.

Petra: Thinking of you, Nora!

Gina: You are in my heart today. I hope you feel warmth and light all around you. You and Shiya can celebrate the birth of your precious Ayrie knowing he is very much loved!

Susan: My heart is full with memories of Ayrie today.

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Erin: Happy Birthday Ayrie. Even though he is not here to celebrate it with you, it’s still his special day. Thinking of you today.

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Alison : I am thinking about you, Shiya and Ayrie today! My candels are lit and you guys are very close in my heart. I can not find any words to express how sorry I am, just tears! I love you and send hugs your way.

Jan Remembering Ayrie on this day; remembering his birthday; feeling the sadness that he never got to be five years old . . . but knowing that in those 4 plus years, he got a ton of love from his Mom, from Ian, from Emily, and many others who he considered family . . . comforting that his Mom saw to it that he had so many beautiful and fun experiences . . . that he lived so fully . . .. today we remember and honor you Ayrie, we celebrate your life and your beautiful spirit . . .

Julie: I know this will just be one of a stream of messages that you get today. Ayrie has and continues to be so important to so many people… we all want to let you know that today. I’ll have a smile on my face today when I think of Sarah and I playing our “banana” game with him and Shiya. Love you. Love Shiya. Thinking about you all.

Kelley: Nora, I didn’t know your oldest son but have thought about him more than some people I do know during the last year. There is a warm place in my heart for him and for you and your little guy. Thanks for sharing

Tony: Hi Nora! As you may know it snowed a lot in Chicago this year, and I spent a lot of time shoveling and making big piles of snow on either side of the driveway. Every time I do, I think of Ayrie jumping into those big piles of snow with Ian and laughing. I think about him all the time. Much love!

Gaylyn: I’m thinking of Ayrie—what a wonderful brother he was and what a wonderful mother you are.

Richard: From Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata: “Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.” Thinking of you, Shiya, Emily, and Ian today.

Alison : Thinking of you and Shiya and sending you love.

Heather: Thinking of you. HUGS

Sheila: Hi, Nora ~ Thinking of you, Ayrie, and Shiya today! Hope you and Shiya are able to spend some time together remembering and celebrating Ayrie. Sending you lots of love!

Diana: I’m remembering you and Ayrie on this day, his birthday. I will always remember meeting you and Ayrie and Shiya on Thanksgiving Day at Gay’s house. It was so very beautiful seeing you bask in the glow of motherhood, jugglying these two beautiful children of yours – Shiya was a baby and Ayrie the “big boy”. I remarked on what a calm and loving mom you were and how you seemed to thrive in that role; you didn’t miss a beat by concurring whole heartedly. I’m sending a bundle of love to you and Shiya on this special day of remembrance.

Buzz: Big hugs from Grandaddy ♥ ♥ ♥

Tara: Thinking of all of your family today and celebrating Ayrie’s life with you on this day.

Loren: Sending you all imaginable love a faith on this day.

Christine: Remembering and celebrating beautiful Ayrie today. The world seems a little brighter and warmer today with the light of so many hearts singing with love.

Heather: Thinking of you and Ayrie today sending you warmth, comfort and most importantly love.

Michelle: Thinking of you today and remembering sweet, genuine, loving Ayrie.

Linda: Remembering Ayrie today, with gratitude for that smile, that sparkle, that spirit, that beautiful life. Not to mention his love of doofy knock-knock jokes. Especially the one that ends “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?” He cracked himself up every time!

Sean: Just wanted you to know how much you’re in my thoughts and prayers today.Top of Form

Laura: Happy Birthday Ayrie….we all love you and will never forget the joy you brought to our lifes. Aunt Laura

Aaron: There is lots of love for you. This is true every day.

Emily: Love to you and your family. Savor your good memories today.

Rebeka: Dearest Nora and Shiya: Love rises. Again and again and again. You are blessed we are blessed by the presence of Ayrie in our lives now and forever. Happy happy birthday, Ayrie.

Kerri: Lots of love to you and your family today and every day.  xoxo

Jamie: May your day be one of peace and reflection on the life of a great little man that continues to touch lives to this day.

Alexis: Remembering a special birthday and a wonderful mom, Nora Murphy, who became a mom on that day. What an amazing life, Ayrie. ♥  Today I’m remembering the softest, truest voice I’ve ever heard and the love he spoke of for all of his family members. Your profile picture is exactly the picture of Ayrie I’ve had in mind all day. ♥

Cecylia: You are so loved Nora by people you know personally and people who you correspond with whom you may never meet. You brought a special person into this world who taught us so much i’n his short time . You can never mess up today it means so much to so many of us!

Chris: Nora, thinking of you and Shiya today.

Eliza : I’ve been thinking of ayrie’s very first birthday- his dark shining newborn eyes and the way you called for him to be unwrapped and you pulled him you your chest. I am thinking of his strength of spirit, his loyalty and generosity to his cousins, the softness of his skin….and i am remembering in your mothers kitchen, singing happy birthday over and over and over with Ayrie, because he loved that song.  I’m sending you all the love I can muster, and i am truly feeling grateful for the gift of knowing him. xoxo

Diane: Oh, how he loved birthdays!

Emily: This reminded me how there was a period of time where he would ask Nora to light a candle (one of those scented candles in a jar) and sing happy birthday and blow it out. Over and over again. Daily for a very long time.

Liam: happy birthday ayrie. miss and love you little buddy, RIP. Love you always and forever

Erin: Sending you strength, love and peace. Ayrie is on peoples minds today near and far.

Lori: Holding Shiya and Nora Murphy in my heart today. And contemplating what it is to truly be a good parent. Nora, your efforts inspire…xoxo

Sarah: Many of my memories of Ayrie revolve around playing games of his design. One favorite was “hide and scare”, where I would hide and jump out at Ayrie to scare him (remember his game). I was so successful once that he staggered backwards with his big eyes even larger with surprise. I thought that he was going to cry….but instead he smiled from ear to ear and said “again”….which I gladly did to see that smile.  Remembering his smile and his light today especially.

Jill: You honor him with your love and memories. I hope you can feel all the love and good wishes coming your way today.

Joanna: Thinking of you and Shiya today and remembering Ayrie’s pure joy. Missing him. Love you.

Nora (2pm): Not a single thing I have tried to do today to honor ayrie has worked. Not one. So far I am messing up his b-day as badly as I can.

Jan: Like the sisters at Clare’s Well said — just feel what you feel . . . maybe, it’s just too soon to walk with your grief . . . maybe now, it can only be a goal . . .

Emily: I’m not sure what’s going on right now, but I’m here if you want to be with someone.

Gretchen: Nothing you do is screwed up- it’s right in that moment. It’s the way it’s meant to be. HUGS coming to you.

Colleen: Nora-Although I only got to spend a short weekend with Ayrie in celebrating Richard’s graduation I am remembering him today, as I have many days in following your blog. Richard & Christa have shared so many powerful stories with me and through them I know you are an amazing woman and an even more awe inspiring mother. You are all in my thoughts in prayers today as you celebrate Ayrie’s birthday!!!

Nora (3pm) I will do better than this. I must.

Gretchen: Nora- Read your wall. THIS is what you have done for Ayrie today and every day. You have shared him with loving hearts all over. You have built a community of people who cherish and remember him- he has helped you with his beauty and light- but we are here: writing, remembering, sharing, because of you. You have beautifully honored him in your allowing us to gather and remember him. ♥ ♥ ♥

Lori: your efforts themselves speak of honoring Ayrie…and i’m sure he would understand

Diane: It is sooo hard to make this a “good day.” I tried to think of what to do. I took a shower where he showered, ate “grammy’s cereal,”, even stopped by Robin Hood Park where I had been with him. Just being with him in my mind and soul and spirit. It doesn’t seem good enough. But Ayrie was so accepting of our imperfections and loved us so much anyway, especially you, Nora.

Jenna: Maybe you’re supposed to mess up a lot today so Ayrie can giggle at you.

Sheddy: My thoughts are with you . . .

Jen: It sounds like a pretty good tribute to motherhood, generally. Everyone is thinking of you, of Ayrie, sending our love–whatever you’re planning, those just represent the love–you can’t mess up the love. Take care, love jen

Jennifer: ‎”to honor” means to hold in high respect….I KNOW you do that every day. Perhaps the part of you that is feeling unsatisfied is NOT the part that wants to HONOR Ayrie but the part that wants to hold him?

Christy: I can tell you are giving it your all, and that is the best thing in the world you can do. That IS honoring him in the best way!

Caroline: Nora, hang in there. Ayrie still knows and feels your love. It’s still with him. He is in a place where he understands and knows that whatever you are doing, it is with love and devotion – try to take some comfort in that today.

Emily:  From the day that he was born, you were generous in sharing Ayrie with the world. I’m will be forever grateful of that. I think so often about his birth. 16 people in the room when he entered this world; drawn to him. His impact on everyone that he encountered was so profound. And continues to be. Ayrie will forever be a part of me. Teaching and guiding me… Thank you for sharing him with all of us.

Marie: Remembering Ayrie. Thinking of you and Shiya. Hugs.

Jeff: Thinking of sweet, sweet Ayrie today. Si didn’t know yet that this day was coming up when he wanted to talk about Ayrie at bedtime two nights ago. He’s on our minds and in our hearts always, always, always.

Laurel: I just had a flash vision of you surrounded by hundreds of butterflies today. I don’t know what it means, but I think it means something.

Nora: This is so beautiful. And you are not the person to see me surrounded by butterflies! Very uplifting.

Nora Murphy (4pm): i think nature’s where it’s at.  I finally gave up on everything i was trying to do and went for a walk at the wildlife refuge. i found a perfect small nest and a tiny red heart in the snow.

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Jennifer: Hallelujah to that. She rarely lets me down, even on her worst days. I hope she can bring you a little peace on this difficult day. I am thinking of you and sending good energy your way. If I knew how to make those little heart icons that everyone puts in their statuses I would send you lots of them!

Annette: I’ll do it for both of us Jennifer:

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥…

Diane: I loved being there with Ayrie.

Ian: Like few things in our world, nature simply is. It doesn’t care why you came, or what you intended to get out of your trip. Frankly I think even if you come and ruin it, it doesn’t care. Nature isn’t there to justify itself, and doesn’t ask you to justify yourself either. It is, and it is, and it is. It has been there for a billion years, and it will be there for a billion years more; it is a vanity to think we might change that.

I want to be able to look out onto any scene and see nature in this same way. I haven’t figured out how to do this yet. I haven’t given up hope yet though. Scaffolding.

Como Zoo, Ayrie’s birthday In honor of Ayrie, Ian took Shiya to the zoo this afternoon. It was always something special that he did with Ayrie. When we lived in Chicago, there was a period of time where they went at least monthly. This is Shiya and Ian when they got home from the zoo this afternoon.  Shiya wanted to figure out family relationships. I wasn’t quite sure. One baby, two females, one male. This particular orangoutang might have been the baby’s mother, sister, aunt, or whatever you might call the child of a second wife.

Christa (From Running for Ayrie): Nora has said the 16th of February should be used to celebrate Ayrie’s life, which is exactly what Richard and I will do today.

Since he’s passed we continue, like so many that loved him, to have tearful nights, car rides and tearful runs.  Before the cold weather hit D.C. we did one, final 5k for the season.  I choked across the finish line, as I remembered the joyful way Ayrie would run.  He almost sauntered when he ran, it was as if he was so proud of his stride, proud of the distance he could go.

Nora’s sister has asked that we remember a particular memory or recent dream we’ve had of Ayrie. I’ll share one memory about one of the first times we baby-sat the boys.

Ayrie went through a period of jumping on the bed…although do kids every grow out of that?! The first couple times we watched the boys he would run straight for Nora’s bedroom and jump on her bed.  Richard and I would take turns playfully lifting him up in the air and “dropping” him onto the bed.  His infectious laughter would follow.  My arms would tire before Richard’s, so Richard would keep going with the game.

This one night, in particular, Ayrie was wearing sweat pants that were too big for him.  He would literally jump out of them with each bounce.  Being that it was one of the first times we were watching him, we didn’t want to look like slacking sitters letting Ayrie run around in just his underwear.  Ayrie thought it was a game when Richard would try to get the pants back on.  Sometimes he would stop and appease Richard only to immediately bounce right out of them.  I think Ayrie was trying to tell us, “hey, we’re friends now, we can hang-out in our underwear!”

So if you too want to remember Ayrie today, my silly advice is to act like kid!

• Hang out in your underwear (when appropriate 
• jump on a bed, go for a run and run with ease, with carelessness
• hug people around the neck (oh how I miss his hugs)
• let someone new into your life
• get messy (cook a crazy meal, paint, finger paint)
• let your siblings know you love them
• eat yogurt (I always remember Ayrie and Shiya eating lots of yogurt for whatever reason)
• watch a Britney Spears video on YouTube (such great musical taste!)