held in the light

Posted by in letters to the boys

tonight my facebook status was “held in the light. the notes, flowers, candles and impromptu fire-lit ceremony in our back yard have lifted my spirits and helped me get back on a path of gratitude and grace. thank you everyone!! xoxo nora”

I had one of those mind opening experiences last night I thought a lot today. . .

I realized that Ayrie didn’t leave me, I left him.  Over the first six weeks I promised to open my heart, mind and spirit to him and I did it with vigor.  I went to a spiritual church, had my tarot cards read, went to a workshop on healing, went to a psychic, tried to meditate, spoke to ayrie, listened to the universe…. but the last two weeks i worked.  and worked.  i sent emails and created documents.  i had conference calls and meetings.  i wrote papers.  and i absolutely forgot to keep  my mind, heart and spirit open to a power, energy and existence larger than me, larger than this existence.

so my depression taught me how unhappy I will be if I stray from my path. the path of light and joy and celebration.  the path of exploring what is truly important in this world, in my life.

I have always loved to work.  Over-identified with my work.  Had a mind that couldn’t rest because of my work.  It is going to be even harder than I anticipated to learn a new way.

I have so much more to write but a very tired child to get into bed.  Remind me to tell you about tonight and the people who gathered in my back yard.  It will warm your heart.  Until then, I will leave you with these photos of lights that people lit in memory of Ayrie tonight.  I hope the light finds Ayrie.  I hope he can feel our love.  (I think he can).  But i also hope this light joins with and strengthens the larger body of light and goodness in this world.

xo  nora