held in the light
tonight my facebook status was “held in the light. the notes, flowers, candles and impromptu fire-lit ceremony in our back yard have lifted my spirits and helped me get back on a path of gratitude and grace. thank you everyone!! xoxo nora”
I had one of those mind opening experiences last nightÂ I thought a lot today. . .
I realized that Ayrie didn’t leave me, I left him. Â Over the first six weeks I promised to open my heart, mind and spirit to him and I did it with vigor. Â I went to a spiritual church, had my tarot cards read, went to a workshop on healing, went to a psychic, tried to meditate, spoke to ayrie, listened to the universe…. but the last two weeks i worked. Â and worked. Â i sent emails and created documents. Â i had conference calls and meetings. Â i wrote papers. Â and i absolutely forgot to keep Â my mind, heart and spirit open to a power, energy and existence larger than me, larger than this existence.
so my depression taught me how unhappy I will be if I stray from my path. the path of light and joy and celebration. Â the path of exploring what is truly important in this world, in my life.
I have always loved to work. Â Over-identified with my work. Â Had a mind that couldn’t rest because of my work. Â It is going to be even harder than I anticipated to learn a new way.
I have so much more to write but a very tired child to get into bed. Â Remind me to tell you about tonight and the people who gathered in my back yard. Â It will warm your heart. Â Until then, I will leave you with these photos of lights that people lit in memory of Ayrie tonight. Â I hope the light finds Ayrie. Â I hope he can feel our love. Â (I think he can). Â But i also hope this light joins with and strengthens the larger body of light and goodness in this world.
xo Â nora