Tears
I came home to an amazing gift. Â My friend Alexis and her mom had gone through all of the photos that we had posted online, printed out favorites and created a scrap book. Â Unlike my scrapbooks which are just a collection of photos, this one told a story. Â A story of a shining child, a beautiful relationship between brothers and a loving family.
I was so touched. Â The project had clearly taken many days. Â I felt clear headed and able to talk on the phone so I dialed Lex’s number. Â No sooner did I started talking to her than I started to cry. Â And the more I talked, the harder I cried. Â And I realized, that’s what happens to me 75% of the time I talk to people. Â (The other 25% of the time I am in a fog and I wonder how words that make any sense could possible be coming out of my mouth).
And I realized that crying does not feel good.  It is not therapeutic.  It is not cleansing.  Instead it is dark to cry that deeply.  It’s scary.  It seems like there is an endless supply of sadness and tears.  People say ‘Let yourself cry’ or ‘It’s healthy to cry’ but I can honestly say that there is absolutely nothing that feels good about crying over the loss of my beautiful child.  It does not bring him back.  It does not help me heal.
So instead I write. Â I can write and not cry. Â So thank you for reading and thank you for being on this journey with me.
xo
nora
Again, thank you for sharing and being there for us too. You are there for us and it is comforting…
The author of the book, “Out of the Canyon” says it well. He lost both his sons and wife in a tragic accident. “Grief not only has no rules, it has no borders and no time limits. Death is so remorseless, so terribly permanent, and it requires the most difficult adjustments that a person will ever have to make. Each of us must face it in our own way and in our own time, and no one else can tell us how to do it. Grace with yourself is crucial–be patient with yourself, and above all wrap your arms around yourself and turn your love and compassion inward, where it is really needed.”
I don’t know how I missed this post previous to now… I’m so glad that the scrapbook conveyed this story to you. And I was so *unbelievably* touched that you were able to call… I keep wishing/praying for your tears to become healing and to be more for joy than for loss.
xoxo
Lex