i always know that ayrie’s voice is about to be completely gone when I am driving and I can’t hear him talking to me in the back seat. I try so hard to hear him but even when I try to read his lips in the rear view mirror I can’t always understand what he’s saying to me. often he has to repeat things 4 or more times. but bless his heart, thankfully he repeats himself over and over again without showing frustration or annoyance.

last night we were driving and I couldn’t hear anything ayrie was saying. to make matters worse, shiya was feeling particularly vocal, seeming to take a small (although not malicious) pleasure in out-talking Ayrie. It’s not much of a problem now, but more something to watch out for and try to lay thoughtful ground work on for how we’ll deal with this in the future.

but i don’t think we are going to make it 6 weeks before the next surgery. he’s too quiet too fast. there must be a lot of regrowth on his vocal cords from just the past 10 days.  i should want to scream but instead i just feel nervous and scared.  all the time.  do i look like i’m laughing?  happy? i probably am.  but there is always a scared energy, almost like a vibration, that’s running through my psyche no matter what else i’m experiencing.