yesterday we had to cancel shiya’s afternoon plans because the farmer’s market was just too much for him.  We did our Saturday morning ritual of swim lessons followed by the farmer’s market.  One is across the street from another and as we walked over the the market shiya gripped me tightly and said, “we won’t be sad.  right, mom?”  and we weren’t.  we saw people, smiled, ate hot dogs and drank fizzy ginger lemonade.  But when we got home he lost is and cried and threw things about for hours.    I’m pretty sure he didn’t even know why he was crying.  Later he told me that he felt yucky and asked if I felt yucky too.  I assured him that I did.  I cancelled his afternoon plans and finally got him down for a nap.  At which point I broke down and cried through the night and well into the morning…alternating between sleep and tears.  (I received some really emotional letters yesterday, including a wonderful letter from the anesthesiologist who put in Ayrie’s IV.  But that’s for a different blog post.) Shiya woke up from his nap and was able to go to some the home of some good friends for dinner where shiya was apparently dancing in their kitchen.

We had a slow morning today…. Ian and I went to the Twin Cities Friends Meeting while Emily stayed home with shiya and Be.  Later that afternoon I took shiya to a play date at this friend’s house, trying to find the balance between needing time at home with his family, and needing to make deeper connections with his friends now that his best friend and brother is gone.  I held him on my lap for the first 45 minutes of a 2 hour play date while he watched what was going on and I reassured him that I was just going to be at a coffee shop working a few blocks away and would be back very soon to take him home. Aiden’s mom was able to finally put him at ease with a bowl of yogurt, shiya’s favorite.  Aiden’s dad sent me some photos and it looks like the play date was a good call.