When I was in those moments between awake and asleep last night I felt very peaceful, grateful and even a bit optimistic about the future.  A curious feeling after so much grief.  I felt like Ayrie was in me… as though my soul had moved over to make space for a part of his soul… as though I was experiencing him more completely than I ever did while he was with us…as though a seed was planted. It was beautiful, intense and in the moment it felt just right. Right now I don’t know what the seed will become but it has amazing potential energy. As the plant grows, the roots deepen and the leaves unfurl I will start to understand….
…As someone who has not profoundly spiritual or religious in the past, this experience was a surprise to me.  It was a feeling and a moment that I didn’t think I was capable of having without belief system to tell me that I would have this feeling.  My eyes and my heart are open in a way they never were before.  I have to make sure that give enough time to seeing and listening.
People just live for an experience such as this. It’s real and powerful and a moment you will never forget. Beauty is here and Ayrie is doing an awesome job of continuing showing his wisdom!
wow jill. you are so right. i hadn’t thought of it that was but you’ve definitely given me a gift with that statement. I’m glad i was able to get up and write it down so I can remember.
Nora, thank you. I hate language. I can’t say in words through fingers, only in my head. I feel him so much, though I hardly knew him. All the softness in the world I’m reminded of, because of him. When I have an inkling of gentleness with myself or someone else, I take it even further because I know Ayrie. It’s so strange to feel this way about someone I didn’t really know, but somehow I did.
When I wrote a memorial card for the bonfire at home last Friday night with my kids, I wrote 4 things: soft, sweet, calm, loving. That was who he was in my mind, and that’s what’s coming forward now for me (or occasionally being challenged).
I’m so glad that you’re seeing brightness and openings. Thank you for sharing that.
Aryie told you he’d be back. He’ll never leave you. This is just the beginning of all he will teach you. Enjoy the journey.
What can come from his light, and your light, but an even greater brilliance. Ayrie’s beauty is an extension of your own; he showed you what you’ve had all along.