The Murphy Boys

what the soul needs

Posted by in Soul

I have thought about this a lot and some of what I wrote below came through thinking. But some of this also came through experience and intuition. The soul, I think, needs a few things… The soul needs to create. I don’t think it’s picky about what it creates. Poetry, pottery, community, classrooms, beauty, inspiration. The point is that it gives something to the world–something that is unique to that soul, that person, and that time. The soul needs to connect. With other people, with nature, with God and the…read more

I’m back

Posted by in letters to the boys

Over the last few weeks I have received so many signs from the universe to start writing again. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned on this journey since Ayrie’s passing, it’s that I need to listen to these signs.

richard and christa

Posted by in letters to the boys

To know Richard and Christa is to love them. they are two friends of mine so generous in spirit that they continue to amaze and humble me. Richard had just started working with me at perspective charter schools when shiya was born and ayrie was diagnosed. We ended up in a situation where the kids were kicked out of their daycare and i couldn’t find a new one.  I was new enough at my job that I was afraid I would lose it if I took too much time off….read more



Posted by in Ayrie, My journey

I have written so many times about balance, right? Well, this is one of the times that I think I did it! So just a quick post to celebrate. This weekend marked two years since Ayrie’s passing. And I will tell you that it feels more like two months. It is raw and painful. Rarely does an hour pass that I don’t think about Ayrie. about how he should be here, how part of me… the very essence of me and Shiya and our family…is gone. So rather than stay…read more


Posted by in letters to the boys

  Many of you know that this Saturday, September 29th, marks two years since Ayrie’s unexpected passing. People have been sharing thoughts and words with me this week and it means so very, very much to me. Here is a quote shared with my by a friend: The Divine Reality is Unthinkable, Limitless, Eternal, Immortal and Invisible. The world of creation is bound by natural law, finite and mortal. The Infinite Reality cannot be said to ascend or descend. It is beyond the understanding of man, and cannot be described…read more

brain cells and balance

Posted by in letters to the boys

Forgive my audacity for saying this- but I’m smart. We all have a multitude of gifts and I think this is one of my strongest gifts- or at least the one that’s the most accessible to me. So I’ve followed that path… school, school and more school. I sit at my computer day and night (no really- I do this quite a bit) and I combines words and ideas. Sometimes I struggle, but sometimes I put together an idea that is simple and elegant.  I love those moments. For example, I…read more

the beauty of time alone with a book, a breeze, a journal, a feeling of peace

Posted by in letters to the boys

In 24 hours- my whole world can turn around. Spiritual community, a walk, music that directs me inward, a breeze, alone time. Turning off the computer and thoughts of work. Sitting by the lake tonight….I feel you Ayrie. I feel you here. I see you in the golden light playing in this perfect breeze. I see you in the water light that dance on the surface of the lake. I feel you in my center, in my soul, and I remember that you are always here. When I work too…read more


f*&! the stages of grief

Posted by in Ayrie

Excuse my language, but check out this “stages of grief” bullshit. Really? Return to a meaningful life characterized by employment, self-esteem and meaning? It’s amazing that this model has been the dominant model since the 1960’s. September 29th marks 2-years since Ayrie’s death and I miss him so much sometimes that it takes away my breath, my will to live. Last night I had a dream about him. He came back. But no one cared. Everyone forgot about him. They were going on with their lives around me. No one…read more


She didn’t die!

Posted by in letters to the boys

  Last night Shiya turned to me and said with pure delight, “Guess what mom! Sonjie didn’t die!” “Sonjie from school?” I asked. “Yes, she didn’t die!” he repeated excitedly. “Oh sweetie, why did you think she died?” “Well, she didn’t come to school for a long time so I thought she died but guess what? She just was on vacation!” “Were you upset when you thought she had died?” “No, but I’m really happy that she didn’t.” And that’s the world that my sweet 4-year old lives in. In…read more

images for peace, wonder, and healing

Posted by in letters to the boys

I didn’t mean to fall in love with pinterest, but I did. For the most part I don’t collect images of projects, houses or clothing. No, I use it to collect colors and images that reach deep into my sole, that give me a sense of peace, wonder, or healing. One of my boards is called ‘Grief, Loss and Healing’ ( and this is one of my favorite images. It reminds me of Ayrie who said once, “What’s the most I can love you?” “Too infinity, I guess.” I said,…read more