Does the griever always end up comforting others in the beginning? Why do people need to absolved? Do they need forgiveness?  This is something I wondered as I walked through the first days, offering others hugs.  Letting them know that I was sad but wasn’t going to crumble.  That they were loved, appreciated and that we were grateful for everything they have given to us.

Maybe you have to do this because one can comfort you in the first few days and you have to do something. Maybe you have to do this in the first minutes and hours to seed your mind with forgiveness rather than blame. With gratitude rather than bitterness.

I gave it to everyone who asked for it.  It seemed like they lined up at the hospital wanting to offer condolences but needing to hear that I didn’t blame them.  And I did that for most everyone.  All but one.  There was one person that I could not offer forgiveness to for a month, the person who was responsible for opening his airway back up.  I am sorry that it took me so long to tell her that it’s okay.