searching for words
A quote from “A Small, Good Thing” by Raymond Carver in Where I’m Calling From: New and Selected Stories. Â The quote below is spoken from the point of view of a mother saying goodbye to her son’s body at the morgue.
“No, no,” she said. ” I can’t leave him here, no.” She heard herself say that and thought how unfair is was that the only words that came out were the sort of words used on TV shows where people were stunned by violent or sudden deaths. She wanted her words to be her own….”
I love this quote because it’s the same conversation I’ve had with myself.  Why does everything I say sound trite and cliche?  And I having real feelings or subconsciously channeling a movie or a Hallmark card?
You know how you spend time listening quietly to and for Ayrie? Learn to do the same for yourself. Even if you select the words from something you’ve known because the pain you feel blocks you from your own, they are probably pretty true to your being. TRUST yourself.
I find that when I say things that I am truly not feeling, or the expression is inaccurate, that I am speaking with someone who does not need to know or does not care to know but simply asks out of politeness. Sometimes I over-simplify due to the complexities in a true answer- maybe I have yet to figure it out, or it’s too complicated for the time or attention I have in that moment. (like describing my kids as “doing well”, they ARE still trached, but for trachees, doing well… 🙂
I think that sometimes we have to say the trite thing, the thing that just doesn’t feel right, in order to get it out of the way to make room for what is our own truth.
Susan and Gretchen- you are both so right!! The more I do what susan saysm the better I am able to do what Gretchen describes.
oh susan- that a good catch! just yesterday morning before I wrote this post I was meeting with an editor of a book publishing company. It’s not a company that would publish my book because the match isn’t right but she gave me lots of good advice!!